Instant Karma

So I was texting the other day and the person I was texting wanted me to write them nonsense to distract them from being upset. These are the texts I wrote on the fly. I think they are a pretty good showcase of my ability to come up with anything on the spot.

This first one is a poem.

Well in the house there lived such a mouse.
A mouse in a house did there be.
He got a reaction from some modern distraction
and wound up under the sea.

Next is the beginning to a sweet war story.

The Marines were up against the Germans airfield.we see krauts in the distance; my officer yells "FIRE!" and pretty soon the whole place had been tore up with pillbox fire and mortar shells. I could see 'em in the distance. I shot. One down; a lucky break. He leaned into it. I gotta shoot better if I'm gonna make it.

Lastly is a song.

What way does the bird fly, way low or way up high?
If you knew then you'd be hip and let it roll right off ya lip.
I gotta feelin' you don't know so lemme lay it on ya slow.
That bird flies way high, yeah, he flies real high.
I tell you that bird's flyin' way up high.
He's got a message to deliver and if I were you I'd be a quiver of what you gonna do.
The birds don't care if they make you lose yo hair so just let 'em be, and smoke some tree.
Let that bird fly high, yeah, bird just fly on by.

Night Owl

So this last weekend has been kind of...well, fucked up. It started pretty normal. I went to a housewarming party at my friends' house for their new roommate. She is pretty sweet, and her boyfriend said he liked my shirt. I told him we were friends now, so we are. So I went home the next morning and went to sleep as I had not been able to yet. I woke up around 11:00 p.m. I believe and thought, eh, whatev, I'll just stay up all night and all tomorrow. Basically I ended up staying up all night and passing out and waking up at night again the next day. That has been how it has gone every day till today. It's pretty crazy waking up and everyone is already asleep, their tasks for the day finished while mine have yet to begin, if I even had any. I had nothing to do. It was already too late to call anyone or go anywhere, and my brain isn't functional enough for video games at that point.

So that saturday night this all begins. I decide I should just go outside. It's dark, probably about 20 degrees outside. Snow everywhere, I must be crazy, I thought. Surprisingly the cold doesn't seem to bother me, I think it just feels good to not be asleep and actually functional so my body is like, Fuck it! lets run a mile!! Anyways I got some fatty boots on and I'm walkin' around in the snow when I hear this Hoot Hootin' out across the back pond and in the woods.

If you are not familiar my house is on 40 acres, has a pond, 3 fields or varied size, a woods, swamp, river and mud wrestling pit. Seriously. So I'm like, fuck, that owl is the only other thing out here besides me, barring sasquatch, of course. So I responded with my best mimicry of the hoot he hooted. I could tell this Owl meant business because he called back within seconds of mine. He had a deep hoot, the kind you would expect an owl to make, but rarely hear. It was kind of like Hoot Hoo-hoot, hoot, hoot. Again I did my best to respond as owly as possible. It took me a while to get the right vibration and volume. I could tell some of them were totally off because I got no response. I got my tongue trill down and pretty soon we were going at it. I knew he was talking to me too because he would move away then come back closer when I called.

I went in the barn for a while to warm up, and to arm myself. Something made a crazy noise and I wasn't going to have anything attack me so I grabbed a bat and a carving knife and made my way back outside after 40 minutes or so. I called out again to test and got my owl friend back on the line in seconds. Another one had shown up too at some point, farther away from the first because I heard him calling out in the distance. He had a longer hoot, 3 hoots long. I tried different calls for each so they would know I acknowledged each of them. After a few hours of romping around outside chilling with the owls I went back inside.

The next night came, I woke up, and went back outside. This time I got some sweet snowshoes from the barn. Got my bat just in case and embarked. My owl friends were waiting for me it seems because after a few minutes of calling the original one answered back and then I heard the second. I wondered what kind of owl they thought I was. Or if they knew I was just a guy trying to talk to them. I tried not to stand too out in the open so they would see me and get freaked out, so I stayed next to trees and objects. I was quite curious of what they were trying to accomplish with each of their hoots. If it was a calling out to see if anyone else was around, or maybe a statement that this is where they hunt and that I should beat it.

Upon further research I discovered that I was conversing with two Great Horned Owls. I got pretty excited when I saw that. I'm pretty much in love with birds as it is so it was pretty cool to know that not only were there some sweet owls around my house, but that I had chatted 'em up like a pro! I feel like I communicated with them, even if it was just some random hoots they knew I was there and I knew they where there too. They responded clearly to me, and I to them. I hadn't seen people practically at all this weekend because they were always asleep when I woke up. The owls were there for me though. They didn't care that I didn't accomplish anything at all. They were perfectly happy to just talk for the hell of it.

I had more fun talking to those owls than I do talking to most people. So if you are up late, feel like crap, and can't take the world anymore you should head outside and find someone who gives a hoot.

formspring.me

why do the haters hate?

A simple question, but a difficult one to answer depending on how you want to look at it. You could say that a hater hates because that is his nature. Or in layman's terms, "Haters gonna hate." Though it should be remembered that not everyone who hates is a hater. I believe if you want a good idea of an actual explanation you should think about why most people complain, bitch and hate on other people and things. In almost every occurrence of this happening the one doing said acts of "hating" really has no reason to be doing it, other than to be bring others down. Its a tough world we live in, because whether or not the haters have a reason to hate they will still do just that. Which is why my most common retort to such acts is "Haters gonna hate" because it lets them know that I'm onto their bullshit. Use it as well, and you will admire the results.

What do you want to know?

I forgot this blog existed.

So I totally forgot I even had this thing. I guess I should update it. Here's something I wrote a few weeks ago.

Time has passed slowly these last few days. Be it from the medication, sadness or otherwise I'm not too sure. I suppose it doesn't really matter too much. Perhaps it is merely a recapturing of the essence and importance of time in my life. Time had little meaning to me before; the future was an abyss of both uncertainty and foregone conclusions. The present was merely a high-speed train careening towards more disappointments. Thinking about the future was something that caused me a lot of stress. In fact, I tried my best not to think about it. Each day was just the same as the last. No hope for the future and no gratification from the past. Now it seems that moment is here when I can truly understand the meaning of time. You can't just look constantly in the future for you must live in the present first to be truly happy. "Be here now," a wise man once told me. For if you are not here now how can you possibly be here later? If you find happiness in the present then that happiness will become your future. Sounds simple enough. I'm not sure what sparked this change. I'm not entirely sure that I have changed. I do know though that I want to be here now, which has to be better than where I was.

So there you go, I started out just writing some random fictional melodrama I thought could be interesting just to see where it went and it sort of morphed into a life lesson/biography of some of the feelings I've had recently. Dig it. More posts to come soon.

I suck, and in less than 30 days you can too!

Sucking has been around for a long time, that much is for sure.  When sucking began and who was the first person to suck is another matter.  One could say that G/god is the master of suck, since he who created everything, must have created sucking.  Does that mean he sucks?  Not necessarily, but if fifth grade taught me anything its that it takes one to know one.  Or in biblical terms, "if thou are to bestow thy temperment upon thee, then surely thou mustou declarou thyself thou same."  

So now that we have established that G/god does, in fact, suck, we can move on to more pressing issues; issues like:  "Why does G/god suck so much?"  "If he's G/god, then couldn't he unsuck himself?" or the always controversial "Is my own sucking a result of G/god wanting to make himself feel better because he sucks so much by making everyone else suck too?"  We may never know the answer to these questions.  Now I am sure there are some people out there that are like "What?  You can't say G/god sucks!"  But to say that would say that G/god is not all powerful and did not create everything.  Who created sucking then?  Some higher power greater than G/god?  That would be blasphemous!  So either G/god sucks or you don't believe in him.  Now what?  

I started a new paragraph here to keep you reading since your mind probably just got blown and/or sucked.  We've been doing a lot of suck talk and I'd like to switch to a more mature topic and discuss the issue of the modern media's effect upon youth.  What?  Did you think I was going to put some stupid topic up there and capatilize on my placing of the word "mature" to give an ironic contrast to garner a possible chuckle out of a possible reader?

Nope, I put a serious topic up there so I could berate you for thinking I would be funny and write an explanation of my intent to fool you into thinking I would do that.  So now you are probably thinking "this whole paragraph is just one big explanation for itself?"  Honestly, I don't know anymore, its all gone.  Either way, you just got fucked.  But probably not...I think its funny how a lot of people can hear something really mean but then be distracted really easily by something totally ridiculous by the person being mean.  Like this one time I saw a guy being mean to this one chick and I was all like, "hey, dont be mean" and he was like "oh". so yeah, that never happened...but if it did that might be a cool story to tell someone to distract them from the fact that I just told you that you suck.  See, like that, while talking about something I was in fact doing it...but I'm sure you caught that too...see, you don't suck that bad!  But you will...oh man will you suck...